Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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