How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize