my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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