It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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