i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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