You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
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These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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