I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
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I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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