I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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