Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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