at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize