I feel great
I just peed on a car
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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