just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize