My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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