I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
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I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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