i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
In America we eat man semen.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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