in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
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We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
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I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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