I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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