Umm I'm too high to move.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize