No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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