It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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