My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize