Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
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I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize