bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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