I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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