just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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