Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
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look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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