I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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