What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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