Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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