you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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