Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Randomize