I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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