Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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