do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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