By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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