I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
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I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
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I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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