you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
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Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
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Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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