Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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