i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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