I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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