apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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