): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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