she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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