My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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