If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
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You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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