the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
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I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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