found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
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It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
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Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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