Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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