Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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