foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize